Indian hypocrisy

http://www.blogs.ivarta.com/WHO-AM-I/blog-331.htm (By U.N. Das)


I keep my home clean by throwing garbage out of the window!

I grumble about corruption in public life but do not mind bribing my way

- for a berth in a train!

- when a traffic cop cops me for a traffic violation!

- to get an errand done in a government office!

If I am a pedestrian I shout curses at the vulgar guys zipping across on glitzy motorcycles or in automobiles.

If I am in an automobile I curse the jaywalkers who do not give me the right of way for their lack of civic sense!

If I am on a two-wheeler I ride on pavements to zip through in jammed traffic!

I hate snobbery but do not mind dropping names to have my way or find a way out of every kind of situation!

I lament about caste and religious affiliations in general but look for a clansman or a kinsman in every group I join!

If somebody favours me because we are kinsmen, he has an admirable fellow-feeling. If somebody favours someone else because they arekinsmen, he is parochial; worse, "clansman / kinsman feelings are eating into the very vitals of our society"; and "what will happen to it?"

I am a debating warrior on the internet but too busy to attend a meeting of my ward /division that is called to discuss the poor state of civic amenities!

I complain about police brutality in general discussions but look for a contact to question my domestic help when I lose a small trinket at home!

I follow and participate in the internet debates as to who should be the president of the United States but do not know who represents my division in the civic corporation!

I castigate politicians for their venality but can not be bothered to caste my vote to cleanse the system!

I speak Pidgin-English when angry (or to make a strong point) in the accent of my mother tongue. In animated conversations, I keep switching between Pidgin-English and my mother tongue, often translating sentences from the one to the other and vice versa. I try to speak my mother tongue in a Pidgin-English accent, which I assume to be Yankee-American!

I tell my friends - with a sort of subdued pride - that my children can not speak my mother tongue as they are taught to speak English from early childhood! To prove a point I indulge in long chats with my children in Pidgin, mother tongue accented English. On many an occasion my friends had to helplessly endure the spectacle with a mirthless grin!

I traduce exhibitionism but can not attend a party except in a Van Heusen or a Louis Philippe suit that is neither brand new nor more than six months old!

If I keenly "look" at a beautiful woman in a gathering I appreciate beauty; I have an aesthetic sense. If someone else does it, I wonder, the fellow hasn"t lost his lecherous "look" even at his age!

If a co-worker achieves greatness in India I would do everything to demean it; if an expatriate achieves greatness in America I would do everything to trace his roots to claim kinship!

If I got a coveted promotion, the company recognizes merit and hard work; if my competitor got it

- he has been shamelessly placating the boss at every opportunity!

- he is related to the boss" wife!

- he is the boss" clansman!

In India I dream of emigrating to America, to earn and conserve dollars for an easy life. In America I slog for a dream of a visit to India to splash rupees.

In America I eat pizzas and burghers but yearn for idli-sambar and mirchi-bajjee; in India I eat pizzas and burghers because I am bored with idli-sambar and mirchi-bajjee!

In America, I whine about having to work by the clock. In India, I whine about people not being serious about anything but taking it easy!

As a person of Indian origin, I behave like an American in India and - well, as an Indian in America or Australia or England or New Zealand!

My kinsmen in India seem to think that I am putting on the dog because I behave like an American in India.

Sociologists in India seem to think that I get into trouble in America because I behave like an Indian in America!

I complain about racism in America (or Australia or wherever I domicile) but seek a fair-skinned, same caste (Oh! I am "so" broad-minded, I am not "so" particular about sub-caste!), same language - needless to say same religion - 5" 6"", liberal-minded (whatever it means) below 29 years-old girl to marry!

OH! I AM A COMMON MAN - A DEMOCRATIC CITIZEN OF INDIA THAT IS BHARAT!